Tips on Glomping Bionicle Characters
by G'reth the Air Dragon
Summary: Ever wanted to glomp a Bionicle character you liked but didn't know how to? Well then here's the guide for you! Learn the tricks of the trade for each character and have fun glomping! Warning: may cause burning sides from laughing
1. Victim: Tahu

Me: Hey guys~! This is really a revamped version of a comedy I had done in 2007 and decided to edit it since most of it was in script form. Now, it's in prose~! :D Of course, I'll try not to make them too wordy or anything, or that might be unappealing for you guys.^_^;

Narrator: So for now, here's the first chapter, and we hope you enjoy it…and the resulting insanity and headache-inducing confusion this 'thing' standing next to me is bound to cause.

Me: *grins*

Who are we glomping? Tahu Nuva

Where? Tren Krom Break

Static fills the air for a moment before the camera flicks on, revealing a Toa of Gravity as he stares at the camera in confusion. "Hey, kid, what's the red light mean again?" he asked as he looked off to the side.

"And please call me Shayinko, or even just 'Shay'," a young female voice replied back. "And that means it's recording,"

"Oh!" the Toa of Gravity gasped, juggling the camera in his hands for a moment before he lifts it up and points it at a young human girl that's standing next to a Toa of Plasma. "Okay, ready!"

"What's the point of all this again?" the Toa of Plasma asked in confusion as he looked down at the short human.

Shay chuckled as she said, "It's supposed to be like a documentary of sorts, where we record someone in their natural habitat before they get glomped and the steps that are necessary to do so."

The Toa of Plasma blinked as he stared at her for a moment before he asked, "What's a '_glomp_'?"

She sighed as she pulled a dictionary from behind her back—which was odd, as she wasn't wearing a pack—and began leafing through the pages until she came across a specific page. "Glomp: noun. To hug someone with sheer amounts of affection and adoration. It can be performed in a variety of ways and styles, and it is extremely difficult to remove the glomper from the victim."

Snapping the book shut, she tossed it away—and cringing when it shattered a window and a cat screeched. "Uh…yeah…that's the basic definition of it," she said to the camera before pointing somewhere behind her. "And I think we should move…_now._"

"Why?" the Toa of Gravity asked from behind the camera.

"_MY GLASS COLLECTION!__!_" a voice roared in rage, causing the girl to stiffen in fear before she grabbed the Toa of Plasma's hand and bolted.

"Run! Kopaka's on a rampage!" she screamed.

The camera suddenly became encased in ice, landing in the sand and showing a Toa of Ice chasing the three before it turned to static.

/_Two Hours Later_/

The camera came back on, showing Shay frowning at it in annoyance. "Dang it…this is the third camera this week," she grumbled as she handed it back to the Toa of Gravity. "If this keeps up I could pay for college _twice!_"

"Quit complaining," the Toa of Plasma grumbled, sporting a new bruise under his eye and his arm in a cast. "At least he spared you from any pain after he chased us half-way across the island."

"I'm still shocked that he kept up with us for that long," she replied with a weird-ed out expression on her face. "Anyway, now that that's out of the way, LET'S GET TO GLOMPING!"

She shoves a stack of papers into the Toa of Plasma's hand and said, "You get to be the Narrator, who explains all the steps to the readers!"

He blinks at her for a moment and said, "What 'readers'? We're recording something with a camera!"

"Details, details," she shrugged. "Just read the tips."

The Narrator sighs as he holds up the paper and reads, "Our first target for today is a Toa of Fire named Tahu Nuva. Step one: find out where he likes to relax or just be alone."

"Here's my favorite part," the human grinned. "Time for a wipe!"

Before anyone could react, she reached off the screen of the camera and pulled, a sheet of reds and browns appearing as she moved it to the other side of the screen, showing her and the Narrator now standing on the outside of the Tren Krom Break. The Narrator blinked in shock and disbelief as he slowly turned to her and asked, "W-What just happened? How in Mata Nui's name did we get from Po-Koro and into Ta-Wahi?"

"A wipe," she replied. "It's a comedy thing where you can change scenes quickly, like in a flashback. Oh look, there's Tahu! Quick, hide!"

She yanked him and the camera-Toa down behind a stone column, carefully poking her head out as she watched the Spirit of Fire. He seemed to be thinking of something, most likely about an argument that he and Gali had. "Read the next tip," she whispered.

The Narrator sighed as he held up the script again, saying, "Step two: make sure that you have scouted the area and that there is no one around to warn your target. Then, make sure you find a good hiding place where you won't overshoot or land both of you in something unpleasant."

_ZIP!_

Shay had disappeared from the Narrator's side, causing him to blink as he looked out and saw her peeking out from behind a much smaller rock. Eyes darting this way and that, she zipped to another rock and disappeared from sight.

He sighed and pressed his mask into his hand before he looked at the script again. "Step three: once you have a clear shot, think of something to shout so that he either won't think your attacking him, or just to be random."

A thumbs-up appeared from behind the rock before it disappeared again when Tahu walked by. Once he had passed it, the rock lifted up to reveal a pair of eyes beneath it. Raising an eye-ridge at this odd behavior, the Narrator looked at the list again and blinked. "Step four…'_attack_'?" he read in confusion.

"_BLAZING COURAGE!_"

Tahu whirled around in shock as the human shot out from beneath the rock, yelling before grunting in surprise when she tackled him in the middle. "_What the slag?_" he roared as he glared down at the human, attempting to pry her off his torso. "Let _go of me!_"

She giggled and shook her head. "No~!" she chirped. "You need your daily dose of hugs and glomps, or your day won't be complete!"

Tahu growled at her in annoyance before he looked up, spotting the Narrator and the Camera Toa still hiding behind the rock. "That thing better not go on the air," he ground out, "or you two are _dead_when I get her off!"

Me: Just because he told _them _that, doesn't mean it applies to me. XD

Narrator: You're just _trying_to get us killed, aren't you?

Me: No, that just comes with the job description. Besides, you guys go through the same hazardous situations as Toa, what's so different about this?

Narrator: The fact that they're caused by you?

Me: Oh hush… *turns to the audience* So, tell me what you think~! Yes, this is a rewritten chapter from my old comedy, but this might be the only one unless you guys want me to rewrite another old chapter/skit. If you guys have any suggestions for who to glomp next, feel free to let me know, and if I like it enough, I might just be tempted to write it~! Oh, and just so you know, Shay is not my name, it's a name that I gave to a character I created long ago and just finally decided to name her. Oh, and also, if you wish to guest star, just send me a note or something and I'll see if I have time to squeeze you in, alright? ;P

Narrator: *coughs* Aren't you forgetting something?

Me: *lightbulb goes off* Oh yeah! Next chapter guest stars InTheLight-Hija~! :D PREPARE FOR INSANITY! *cackles before hook comes in and yanks me off stage*

Narrator: *sighs and looks at you all* That's all folks, nothin' to see here.


	2. Victim: Vakama Metru

**Me: *bounces into room with big grin* Guys! It's time to start the next chapter of the comedy! Come on, let's…go? *stares around as Bionicle characters laze about playing games, reading, sleeping, or even arm wrestling* …guys?**

**Tahu: We heard you, Shay. We just don't care at the moment.**

**Me: But…we need to start the next chapter! And since no one suggested anyone for me to glomp, I have to choose one of you guys!**

**Hakkan: Considering you've already glomped most of us in that old comedy, I don't quite see the point of doing us again. What's in the past should stay in the past. *continues attacking Vezok's character on the Wii***

**Me: *thinking for a moment before light bulb suddenly appears over head* _That's it!_ *zips out of the room, the light bulb spinning in the air for a moment before Kopaka reaches over and catches it, replacing the old bulb in his reading lamp before he picks up his book again***

**Tahu: *blinking and staring in confusion before glaring at Hakkan* If she causes trouble somewhere, I'm blaming you.**

**Hakkan: Wha'd I do?**

* * *

><p><strong>Who are we Glomping?<strong> Vakama Metru

_**Where? ** _Somewhere near the Coliseum

_/Somewhere on Mata Nui/_

The screen is static-filled for a moment before it clears up, focusing on the Narrator as he taps his foot in irritation. "Where the Karzahni is that girl?" the Narrator grumbled. "She was supposed to be here two hours ago, and we can't even start without her because she has the script!"

"Do you think she forgot about it?" the camera-Toa asked curiously.

"I doubt it," the Narrator snorted. "She had it written down on every possible surface of her room so she _wouldn't_ forget. If she doesn't get here soon though, I'm leaving."

"_HELLO!_"

"_Augh!_" he yelled as two blurs slammed into him, knocking the poor Toa of Plasma to the ground.

The camera-Toa quickly lowers the view of the camera so that the Narrator is visible with two humans clinging to him. "S-Shay! What in Mata Nui's name was that for?" the Narrator sputtered as he sat up and glared at said human before pointing at the other one. "And who's this?"

Shay giggled as she said, "We were running too fast, so we glomped you to stop. And that's Mic, which is short for Michaela. She's a fellow Bionicle nut and a guest star!"

"What's up?" Mic greeted with a smile.

The Narrator shook his head in confusion. "Wait…I thought guest stars were non-cannon characters people created and requested that they be glomped for entertainment purposes?" he frowned.

"They are," Shay nodded. "But I wanted the guest stars to have an option to either help me glomp someone or be the target that gets glomped…or even have the creator help me glomp their own characters. Depends on what they want. I had someone help me last time, so I figured why not this time?"

He looked at her for a moment before sighing. "Can you two get off me then?" he asked. "We're running behind schedule with this episode, and we might have to cut off some things to save some time."

"Sure," Mic smiled as she and Shay stood up, both of them pulling him to his feet as he dusted himself off. "Sorry we're late, by the way. Shay had a hard time finding me and her printer was acting up when she tried to print the updated script."

A stack of papers was shoved into his hands as Shay grinned and said, "Alright then! It's time for time! Let's take a trip into the past~!"

Before anyone could even ask her what that meant, everything suddenly seemed to shift and distort wildly, making the other three yelp in shock. "What's going on?" the Narrator gasped. "Why does everything seem to be getting…_rippled?_"

"It's a flash-back," Shay grinned as Mic clung to her with a '_wth?_' expression on her face. "You get used to it."

The world shifted and changed colors, taking on more blue and silver shapes before things started to settle back to normal once more. They froze, however, and blinked at the Ga-Matoran staring at them. But that's not why they were frozen in shock. Looking down, everyone but the camera-Toa was hovering over nothing but water from the canals.

_SPLASH!_

Bubbles rose to the surface as a few Ga-Matoran moved closer. The camera-Toa knelt down near the edge and waited for a moment before three heads popped out of the water. The Narrator blinked as he stared at the tail-fin of the fish squirming about, the rest of its body stuck in his mouth before he turned and spat it out. "Next time watch where you're flashing," he growled as he glared at the humans, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Sorry," Shay chuckled. "I was thinking about fish for a moment and overshot."

"'_Oops_' is right," the Narrator grumbled as he climbed out of the water, shaking himself dry with a scowl. "We're one Metru away from where we should have landed. Do you suppose we _walk_ all the way to Ta-Metru?"

"Oh don't get your Kanohi in a twist," Shay told him as she and Mic wrung the water out of their hair and clothes. "Read the script I gave you and we'll be there in no time."

He looks at the camera-Toa with a '_why are we doing this?_' look before he scanned the first page. "If you find yourself in the wrong place…draw a box on the ground?" he read aloud, wondering what sort of nonsense this was. "How is this supposed to get us to Ta-Metru?"

Shay giggled as she pulled a piece of chalk out of thin air and began to draw as instructed. "Drawing, drawing, it's fun to do~," she sang cheerfully, oblivious to the nervous and curious looks of the surrounding Matoran and her group. "La-di-didi-da-doo~! Done!"

The Narrator and camera-Toa look down at the image of a cellar door, complete with a ring handle. "Aaaand…now what are we supposed to do?" he asked as he looked at her. "Tap-dance on it and hope it teleports us?"

"Oh hush, use your imagination for once!" Shay huffed as she knelt down and put her hand over the handle. Then, with a heave, she somehow _pulled_ the handle up and lifted up the door, revealing a small staircase underneath. "Come on!" she said as she grabbed the slack-jawed Plasma Toa and yanked him and Mic down into the tunnel. "_ADVENTURE!_"

/_Somewhere in Ta-Metru_/

Somewhere in an alley, lines start to appear on the ground, coming to a stop in the shape of a door. The ground/door was lifted up, revealing the Narrator, the camera-Toa, and the two humans. "Seriously, you gotta teach me that trick," Mic told her friend as they closed the door, the ground becoming flat again.

"Maybe next time," Shay said. "For now, we need to get back on track. Narrator? Tips, please!"

"All this reality-bending is giving me a headache," he grumbled as he looked at the list. "Our next target is Vakama Metru. Step one: find out where he is without getting caught by the Vahki or seen by a Matoran. Your best bet would be to travel by rooftop, underground in the Archives, or ducking through the alleys. If you can shape-shift or become invisible or even have super-speed, use them to your advantage."

The girls start whispering to each other before nodding, Mic bending down and giving Shay a boost up onto the roof. A few seconds later, Shay calls out in a stage-whisper, "Okay, you're clear. Head for the next alley two buildings down!"

Mic looked around outside the alley before quickly hurrying to the next building with the two Toa following, Shay leaping onto the next building and scouting the area ahead of them. They continued this tactic while keeping an eye out for their target before Shay called them to a halt. "Fire Toa at two o'clock!" she declared.

Peering around the corner, Toa Vakama was standing outside one of the furnaces holding a familiar disk, looking like he had just gotten out of a tangle with a giant root. "Step two," the Narrator continued. "Once you find the target, plan out what you're about to say before you glomp him. If you're glomping him as a Hordika, then you may want some added protection against sharp claws, fire spinners and tools, and those deadly fangs…wait…he becomes a Hordika?"

"Don't ask," both girls hissed, having already come up with something to say.

"Alright, alright, sheesh!" the Narrator huffed, frowning up at the two in annoyance. "You females are so fickle." Shaking his head, he looked back at the list and frowned. "Step three: wait until he gets close enough for you to glomp him, or you may end up hurting yourself or making too much noise."

Both girls waited with bated breath as the Fire Toa looked around, putting the disk away before he cautiously started to make his way across the street. As luck would have it, he was moving towards them, the temple to Ga-Metru in the direction they had originally came from.

"_Strike!_" the Narrator snapped.

"_SMILE VAKAMA!_" the girls cried out joyfully as they lunged, the poor Toa yelling out in shock and surprise when Mic tackled his middle before Shay knocked into his chest from above. The sheer force of the tackles toppled the taller being, who barely managed to catch himself from falling completely on his back as he stared at the two clinging to him.

"W-What the-?" he gasped in disbelief, unsure if this was an attack. "W-Who…what are you?"

Shay turned to grin up at him, her arms wrapped around his chest as she said, "We're humans! Don't worry, we're not trying to hurt you…we just wanted to hug you and tell you that you're doing a great job!"

Vakama blinked at the two in confusion, which grew when the Narrator and the Camera-Toa stepped out into the open. "Who're you?" he asked, hoping that these two would be able to answer his questions. "And…what is going on here?"

"At the moment, my name is '_Narrator_', as is stated by my contract for identity protection purposes," the Plasma Toa told him calmly. "And as for what's going on: let's just say that this is some idiotic attempt at a biography or some nonsense like that, the main subject being how to glomp the targets…and before you ask, glomp is basically what just happened to you."

"It's a hug and a tackle all in one~!" Mic chirped happily, snuggling up to the Fire Toa.

"Nice and toasty," Shay sighed happily. "Now I feel like curling up in front of a fire-place and roasting tasty treats while wrapped up in a blanket."

"But it's summer back home," Mic blinked up at her friend.

"I know," Shay giggles in amusement. "We'll just turn the AC down so that it makes the house colder!"

At this the Narrator smacked his forehead, shaking his head with a groan. "Do not ask me what they're talking about," he told Vakama firmly. "Just…don't. I'm still trying to figure out three-quarters of the stuff she's already said and done…"

Both girls simply grinned up at him, but at the same time he couldn't help but cringe away. Something about those smiles didn't bode well for him…

* * *

><p><strong>Me: *pops back in wearing work uniform* Well, there's the second chapter guys! Sorry it's been slow. School work and my new summer job haven't been too kind on my muses, so I lost interest in this thing…again.<strong>

**Tahu: You seem to be doing that a lot. *dusts away cobweb from document* You've rarely stayed focused on one fandom for very long.**

**Turaga Vakama: *walks in and steps over to Tahu, whacking him in the head with his staff***

**Tahu: Ow! *rubs top of head and glares at him* What was that for? Hakkan was the one that gave her the idea in the first place!**

**TVakama: *glaring back* I have my reasons… *hobbles off again, mumbling something about irresponsible Toa***

**Me: …ooookay…I think we should end this now. O.O;**


End file.
